I was lying on my bed listening to a family of three having a boisterous time on the lawn outside. I wondered why we couldn’t all live in a snapshot of one of those times when we are completely happy with no care in the world?
But the world is not like that. This is a shitty world. You are going to do some shit and have others do shit to you. You are going to sling mud at others and get shit in return. Some shit will inadvertently land on your doorstep.
To complicate matters, since this is by default a shitty world filled with people living shitty lives, some people have decided (within reason) that there are good shit (or great shit or bad shit as in “that’s some bad shit”) and just plain bad shit.
Everybody wants a piece of some great shit (no, good/great shit is not a synonym for “weed”).
No one wants to be shitted on, but lots of people don’t mind shitting on others.
The shit people do is limitless.
And when you hear “awesome” used to describe some shit, that right there is a reference to some really great shit.
No shit is not always good news, shit is going on all the time, you may not just know about it.
Being shit-unawares in not always good either. You may be coasting along enjoying good shit of your own making, until some shit-brain comes along, does a sneak-shit-attack and dumps some real bad shit on you thereby turning an otherwise acceptable afternoon into a shitty day.
Some people don’t know shit. Some have shit for brains and some are just plain shit. When it’s raining shit, don’t stop at an umbrella. Bring along the whole caboodle – overcoat, goggles, gas mask and knee length boots.
When shit is-a-flying all over the place, you can’t be sure where it’s going to land so being prepared is just good common sense.
No one has cornered the market on shit. People have thought otherwise throughout the ages, but found out to their utter dismay that new shit gets invented all the time.
“This shit will kill you” has never deterred anyone. People are going to: do shit, smoke shit, drink shit, and eat shit whenever they want.
Everyone will be scared shit-less at some point in their lives. Not everyone will admit it and others have just buried it under piles of other shitty memories and can’t remember it.
This doesn’t mean it’s all good. All that buried psycho-shit makes for maladjusted individuals and drives a whole industry of psychologist making great money from digging up shit people have forgotten or would rather not remember.
People with skeletons in their cupboard are hiding some bad shit. Bad shit is of course relative. Shit can vary from “I poisoned my neighbor’s chihuahua” to “I robbed a bank and got away with a shitload of money” to “I am a closet this-or-that”.
There is so much shit going on, one just has to stop writing about it at some point (seeing it’s endless)
If there are aliens out there, they better stay away, if they conquer us, they get to export some of our shit to their own world; if we conquer them, we export the shit ourselves. At the end of the day, what you get is two shitty worlds. And knowing how quickly shit gets around, when coupled with advanced alien travel technology, we will soon be flinging shit into the distant reaches of the galaxy: welcome to year 3000, when the milky way has been rechristened the shitty-way galaxy. Aliens you have been warned: “stay away!” (unless of course you think your ability to sling shit is second to none)
So, here I will stop writing shit. Go have some fun, and if you come across some person that’s having a shitty day, be a dear and give him some of your good shit.
(21/07/2010 6:50pm)