It would be great if a senator can sponsor the DDSS bill. People should then be encouraged as early as possible (middle school or even earlier) to designate a legal DDSS. Subject to change of course. Once the person has agreed to be your DDSS, same as for married couples or common-law couples, anything you tell them cannot be used against you in a court of law. Similar to your relationship with your lawyer or clergy. The only exception is if the DDSS is in danger of loss (limb, life, property, etc.) from your action or inaction, otherwise anything you tell your DDSS is sacrosanct.
What’s a DDSS? “Don’t-Do-Something-Stupid”. A DDSS is a confidant and a sounding board.
Why a DDSS? The more I watch these true crime TV shows, and read the daily news, the more I think a DDSS is needed by most people. Adults in particular, but like most things repetition matters. If you have started consulting a DDSS regularly for a while, it’s easier to default to that position under duress. Some things that should be obvious such as the fact that if you kill someone you have any sort of relationship with, your chances of getting away with it nowadays with the state of forensic science, is almost negligible (zero). In fact, getting away with such crimes are now the exception to the rule – most offenders get caught.
Yet people continue to kill for money (especially life insurance), property, love/lust, inheritance, sex, etc.
Take for example a married man who engaged the services of an “escort” (prostitute) in a distant town when he went to drop off his kid in college. The escort and her pimp figured out he’s married and decided to blackmail him. They want $25K. Prospective Victim is pissed. Obviously he doesn’t want his wife to know as it would likely be the end of his marriage and he may lose half of everything he owns. Also he knows the blackmailers would likely treat him like a piggy bank and keep coming back for more whenever they are short of money. Instead of going to the police, he decided to “handle” the problem like he had seen one too many times on TV. He found himself some guys who would get rid of his problem. Their resume indicated they were real professionals (former military). By the time he was done, he had paid these guys close to a million dollars. On top of which the authorities caught up to the whole crew, and now he’s spending the rest of his life in prison. A divorce would have been way cheaper. A DDSS is a free sounding board when emotions run hot or you think you are smarter than everybody. A DDSS should ideally not be a close buddy that you can easily sway. A DDSS might be the difference between a lifetime of regrets, a one-way visit with old sparky (the electric chair), or continued freedom to live life on your own terms even if some things are not as you would like them to be.
We have accountability “partners” in many areas and stages of our lives. Growing up, at home our parents try to mold us into functioning adults that can contribute to the society (make your bed, study, go to school, be good, respect others, wash dishes, actions have consequences, etc.); teachers at school (do your homework/test/exam or lose marks and don’t progress as expected); at work (salary as reward for work done on time and to spec, performance review leads to salary increase, etc.); married or cohabiting (accountable to partner – pay bills, run the house, care for kids/pets etc.). But where is the accountability partner for those things you do in the darkness? Those things that don’t fit cleanly into any of the well defined categories for which the average person has accountability partners? Those major things that may happen once or even multiple times but that makes one emotionally fraught (e.g., divorce, cheating partner)? Those things that your first or even second decision on how to handle them is likely wrong and may destroy multiple lives and families?
That’s why we need a DDSS. Someone that is close but independent enough that the bulk of our lives or decisions have no bearing on their lives. Think AA (alcoholic anonymous) sponsor but for life in general. Someone that checks in regularly to say “Don’t-Do-Something-Stupid without consulting me first”. So that when emotions run into overdrive, you automatically remember you need to at least run it by your DDSS before you take action knowing that they can’t be forced to divulge anything you share with them by law or otherwise.
You are going through an acrimonious divorce, got fed up and want to murder your partner, talk to your DDSS first. Young man got his heartbroken and wants to shoot up former lover and/or her new lover, talk to your DDSS first. A friend comes to you with a grandiose plan to rob a bank/shop/house, talk to your DDSS first. You want to go backcountry skiing when there’s danger of avalanches, talk to your DDSS first. You are planning to go drinking (and driving afterwards), talk to your DDSS first. Someone cuts you off on the road, by the time you think of talking to your DDSS, the situation might have changed, the other party has changed lanes or exited the expressway, you may never meet again in this lifetime, and you have not done anything you may (or not) live to regret. You are thinking of running a scam, talk to your DDSS first. If your DDSS wants in on the action, time to find a new DDSS and talk to them before running the scam. Your DDSS should help you weigh the pros and cons: would the scam be state or federal (no parole) offense; how much time might you get in the slammer if caught? Is that time away in the “big house” worth the temporary enjoyment you might derive from the luxury vacations, big boats, big houses and so on if caught? And the inability to get good jobs once you are a felon (after serving your time).
Get yourself a DDSS before you actually need one. (And join the movement to advocate for it to be recognized under the law.) So I ask again: “Who is your DDSS?”.
